Don’t pin your hopes and dreams on the girl you like

Don’t pin your hopes and dreams on the girl you like.

I’ve carried that problem as long as I could remember.    I would hold a torch lit for that one girl who’d be the answer to my life, the one that would finally make my life complete, the last piece that would fit in the puzzle.

But  first of, that’s putting pressure on a girl you’ve hardly met, or a friend with whom you’ve barely talked with.   You’re making her shoulder the responsibility of making your life work, solving everything that is wrong with your life.

Maybe she’s not the solution to your problem.   Maybe it’s something deep within that only you can resolve.  You don’t need a relationship.  You need counsel.

I know counseling sometimes comes out as a dirty word, since in this world seeking perfection, being “broken” comes out as ugly, undesirable.  “Damaged goods, do not take”, someone would say.   But I’m going to say this: Everyone has been broken at one point or another.   It takes a brave soul to admit that, and an even braver one to admit he/she needs help.

Just as you don’t want to carry the problems of your potential partner on your shoulders, so would she also hate to take your issues, your crises, your life problems.   I think that before you appear before that girl you like, get your house in order first.   Fix what needs fixing, and if it takes a lot of work and you really want to talk to that girl you like go ahead and do so, but leave everything back home.  Take only “what you can carry”: not your life hopes and dreams, but the desire to meet someone new.  That’s it.  That way, if it doesn’t work out, your life doesn’t come crashing down.  Or that metaphorical baggage you’ve been carrying doesn’t come crashing in a heap on the ground, just because the girl you like naturally refuses to carry it for you.

I’m writing this for me just as much as for you, reader.   When you’ve been single a long time, it becomes second-nature to make this mistake.   So you have to work to change your mentality, hard though it may seem, and find support from a friend or a loved one.    If you truly like someone, you would want to give them the best of yourself, and not the worst.

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