Taylor Swift hosting Saturday Night Live on the Nov. 7 episode got me inspired with this bit of cheesy opening dialogue:
(she enters the stage, to the applaud of the audience)
Taylor: Thanks, thanks, you guys. I’m Taylor Swift, and I’m hosting Saturday Night Live for tonight, and I’m really excited…
Tracy: (In comes Tracy Morgan) Hey, Taylor… (Everybody turns to Tracy Morgan, with applause) I’m really happy for you and I’m a let you finish, but Chuck Norris was the best SNL host of all time! (mimicking Kanye) Of all time!!
Taylor: Tracy… Chuck Norris didn’t host SNL, he never hosted SNL.
Tracy: So? (sneaks away)
Taylor: (looks at him confused, regains composure) I-I’m really excited to be here tonight… It’s my first time, and I…
Tracy: (sneaks from behind her) Hey Taylor…
Taylor: Geez!
(At this point Tracy can appear in a Batman suit, making the scene more outrageous)
Tracy: Hey Taylor, I’m really happy for you and I’ma let you finish… but Christian Bale is the greatest Batman of all time! Of all time!!
Taylor: O-kay… (sees Tracy) Anyway, we’ve got a great show for you tonight, and we’ve got a lot of funny…
Tracy: (sneaks from behind her) Hey Taylor…
Taylor: Ughhh! Will you let me finish?
Tracy: Yeah, Taylor, I’ma let you finish, but Chinese is the best take-out of all time! (sneaks quietly away as Taylor glares)
(He can appear more times, possibly wearing or holding a prop that would make the scene more outrageous– in this case, he could wear a bunny suit and instead of talking about Chinese food, say that Nintendo is the best console of all time; “so why are you wearing a bunny suit?” To which Trace replies something deadpan, like “Yeah, I like it”)
Taylor: A-nyway, we’ve got a lot of funny stuff in store for you tonight… (sees Tracy near her) What, Tracy?
Tracy: Yeah, Taylor, uh… 30 Rock is the best comedy program of all time!
(Audience reacts. Lorne Greene sneaks from behind Tracy Morgan)
Lorne: Tracy?
Tracy: (turns to him) Yeah?
Lorne: (grips him on the shoulders and slowly leads him away) Let’s have a little chat…
Tracy: About? (as he’s being led out) Tina Fey’s the best comedian of all time! (or something else more outrageous)
Taylor Swift then finishes the sketch with a “So stick around, we’ll be right back!”
(Taylor Swift’s lines could be a bit longer, and you could change Tracy Morgan’s lines with even more ridiculous boasts–“Rickrolling is the best Internet meme of all time!”–but that’s primarily the gist of the intro. But it’s probably too cheesy.)
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