Awakenings

I can’t explain it. It was a revelation based on logic, and I had that idea even before. So why did I suddenly feel so much emotional upheaval, as if I was being shaken by a great thunder in my heart? I was euphoric for no reason; I understood the answer mentally days before, but I felt as if I had discovered the answer I had searched for all my life.

Two weeks ago, I began a special Valentine’s Edition of my blog, with the aim of devoting myself to writing articles on Love. And the first few articles were in the intervals of days. I was writing simple advice! They seemed superficial, and felt like reiterating what we already knew of it—we should take faith, and trust in Love. Halfway through this period, I began to delve deeper, and deeper into my understanding of Love. Until, unwittingly, it touched my personal life.

And I felt like there was a voice that was calling me. I didn’t hear it, or see it anywhere, but I could sense it calling deep within my soul. Somehow, I knew who it was, but I didn’t want to answer. I kept shutting myself out, becoming angry, depressed and frustrated. It came to the point when it was absolutely maddening, that persistent call that somehow I wanted to stop. It took me to the deepest depths of my self, and gave me tranquil moments, and torrential troubled periods.

Something struck me, profoundly. I started to piece through what I knew—and I began to realize that this new knowledge was something that stared right in front of me, and was there all along; only my judgment was clouded by conflicting emotions. It was something, which was completely new and unique, but at the same time had basis with what I knew. With only a few days to Valentine’s, I brought out logic, deduction and analysis to piece out all the facts. And as I began to write the last article, it hit me.

I can’t explain it. It was a revelation based on logic, and I had that idea even before. So why did I suddenly feel so much emotional upheaval, as if I was being shaken by a great thunder in my heart? I was euphoric for no reason; I understood the answer mentally days before, but I felt as if I had discovered the answer I had searched for all my life.

And I found myself in tears.

I understood then—all my convictions made sense. And it was all worth it. I needed to tell the world. From the closed windows it felt like a great light was shining blindingly at my eyes. I was overcome with something. And it felt wonderful. So wonderful, in fact, that I ended up praying that it should end, as it felt like I was gazing down on earth, and finding everything so insignificant. I was only human. Being in such great light made me feel alien.

Two days later, it finally faded. I still knew, and still felt His presence, but I was grounded again. The light had faded from my eyes. Then I realized why the answer was so elusive. The answer was not in the words, but in the experience. I can tell you the answer; you must work it out yourself.

Spiritual convulsions rarely happen. What occurred probably was a mere whisper, but it made my entire being shudder. I could only pray, that in my renewed labor in Love, I may reach that zenith again.